Eileen Knoff
Dropping Down the Well
by Eileen Knoff
The Irish countryside abounds with wells—strange and mysterious spaces that entice me to bend over and explore those darker depths I normally avoid.
The symbol of the well came to me in considering the question I put forth to this group at the end of last month’s sequence: What surprises of this past year am I now harvesting in my life? The primary surprise I encountered while reflecting on my past year was the presence of a strange attractor drawing me downward and inward, as if into a well of strength and grace flowing underneath my daily current events. Despite countless ministerial and social commitments, deadlines, trips, house repairs, visits to doctors and dentists, there was yet a gentle force tugging me toward a deeper flow with its Wisdom of letting go.
The pull first presented itself in January with the death of a pastoral colleague, Kate O’Sullivan. An Episcopal chaplain, Kate was a great believer in a mysterious, graceful presence at work in all circumstances. Kate naturally carried that presence to others, especially her patients at Children’s Hospital. I experienced Kate’s belief expand and intensify just before her learning that she had developed pancreatic cancer.
The cancer claimed her life within a few months. The Episcopal cathedral in Seattle was packed for her funeral with people from all faith traditions. As I read the order of service, I discovered that both Kate and I had been born in 1955. I was struck with the awareness that this could have been me lying there. Instead, I remained here, wondering how to become the kind of presence Kate had been.
Nine months before her death, Kate had noticed my interest in Celtic spirituality and urged me to share its insights with a committee she was chairing on the environment.20While preparing my talk, I heard an interior call to allow the Earth itself to become an Anam Cara. I heeded what I heard and shared that message with the group. They responded eagerly!
Since then, I have tried to live into this relationship by letting Nature reveal to me the beauty of “God’s original gospel,” with its cycles of light and dark, life and death. The more I pay attention to the Wisdom in the Earth the more I am able to drop down into the heart of my life and the challenges within its changing seasons, its daily deaths.
Kate’s death was my first important letting go this year. It was not the last. A dear aunt died, older siblings have struggled with serious illnesses, a daughter moved away, and I have had to make difficult decisions that pleased some and displeased others. The year’s transitions have called me to grow into new stages of trust in my own experiences and generosity with the gifts I still do have to share.
I see now that the grace of Divine Life has been present within each transition and always will be. I need only to risk following the lure of Love, who urges me to bend low and scoop into empty hands the Life-Giving Water that waits patiently in the well of my own soul.
by Eileen Knoff
The Irish countryside abounds with wells—strange and mysterious spaces that entice me to bend over and explore those darker depths I normally avoid.
The symbol of the well came to me in considering the question I put forth to this group at the end of last month’s sequence: What surprises of this past year am I now harvesting in my life? The primary surprise I encountered while reflecting on my past year was the presence of a strange attractor drawing me downward and inward, as if into a well of strength and grace flowing underneath my daily current events. Despite countless ministerial and social commitments, deadlines, trips, house repairs, visits to doctors and dentists, there was yet a gentle force tugging me toward a deeper flow with its Wisdom of letting go.
The pull first presented itself in January with the death of a pastoral colleague, Kate O’Sullivan. An Episcopal chaplain, Kate was a great believer in a mysterious, graceful presence at work in all circumstances. Kate naturally carried that presence to others, especially her patients at Children’s Hospital. I experienced Kate’s belief expand and intensify just before her learning that she had developed pancreatic cancer.
The cancer claimed her life within a few months. The Episcopal cathedral in Seattle was packed for her funeral with people from all faith traditions. As I read the order of service, I discovered that both Kate and I had been born in 1955. I was struck with the awareness that this could have been me lying there. Instead, I remained here, wondering how to become the kind of presence Kate had been.
Nine months before her death, Kate had noticed my interest in Celtic spirituality and urged me to share its insights with a committee she was chairing on the environment.20While preparing my talk, I heard an interior call to allow the Earth itself to become an Anam Cara. I heeded what I heard and shared that message with the group. They responded eagerly!
Since then, I have tried to live into this relationship by letting Nature reveal to me the beauty of “God’s original gospel,” with its cycles of light and dark, life and death. The more I pay attention to the Wisdom in the Earth the more I am able to drop down into the heart of my life and the challenges within its changing seasons, its daily deaths.
Kate’s death was my first important letting go this year. It was not the last. A dear aunt died, older siblings have struggled with serious illnesses, a daughter moved away, and I have had to make difficult decisions that pleased some and displeased others. The year’s transitions have called me to grow into new stages of trust in my own experiences and generosity with the gifts I still do have to share.
I see now that the grace of Divine Life has been present within each transition and always will be. I need only to risk following the lure of Love, who urges me to bend low and scoop into empty hands the Life-Giving Water that waits patiently in the well of my own soul.
by Eileen Knoff, copyright 2009. Reprinted with permission. First printed as part of Brigid's Circle; see www.spiritualdirections.net to subscribe.
Photo of Eileen Knoff was taken by Barbie Hull, Photography (www.barbiehull.com)
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