 |
| Bloomington Inclusive Catholic Community |
Today we are observing the secular holiday known as Mothers’ Day. What’s
this day all about?
Most of us love Mothers’ Day either because we are a mom or we have—or
had—a mom that we love or loved. Obviously, for those who didn’t grow up with a
mom, or didn’t have a mom they loved or a mom that loved them, this can be a
very difficult day to endure.
As followers of Jesus, this day is not so much difficult to endure as it
is uncomfortable because Jesus was
not exactly a “family man.” He may have developed a good relationship with his
mother by the end of his life, but early on in his ministry he may have been in
conflict with his mother and his siblings.
Mark’s Gospel suggests that his mother and siblings doubted his sanity,
so he verbally replaces his biological family with his family of faith. For
that reason alone, Mothers’ Day should make us feel a little uncomfortable.
Nevertheless, other than the fact that the flower companies and card
companies are making a lot of money today, this is a day that has become very
important for many people.
It is so much a part of our social fabric that we would do well to just
“go with the flow” and keep celebrating it, although the Mothers’ Day of today
looks very different from the original intent of Mothers’ Day.
Originally, it was not a sentimental day of taking mom out for dinner and
calling her to say how much you love her. Originally, it was socially
important.
It all started in
the 1850s, when a West Virginia women’s organizer named Ann Reeves Jarvis, held
Mother’s Day work clubs to improve sanitary conditions. Their intent was to
lower infant mortality by fighting disease and curbing milk contamination.
Later, during the Civil War, these Mothers’ Day work clubs also tended to
wounded soldiers from both sides of the conflict.
In the postwar
years, Jarvis and other women organized Mothers’ Friendship Day picnics and
other events as a way to unite former Civil War foes. One of these women, Julia
Ward Howe, best known as the composer of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic,”
issued a widely read “Mothers’ Day Proclamation” in 1870, calling for women to
take an active political role in promoting a lasting peace.
Around the same
time, Ann Jarvis initiated a Mothers’ Friendship Day for Union and Confederate
loyalists across her state.
But it was her
daughter, Anna, who was most responsible for what we call Mothers’ Day—and who
would spend most of her later life fighting the sentimentalism of what Mothers’
Day has become.
Well, that was a
losing battle! There is no way to avoid sentimentalism where motherhood is
concerned. There is no way to detach ourselves from the emotions that are part
of the institution of motherhood.
Even the fact
that some people hate their mothers
suggests that there is an emotional tie between mothers and their children,
which lasts from the womb to the tomb. You can only hate what you can also
love.
I am a mom. I
have three children and three step-children. I have two granddaughters and
three step-granddaughters. I love the emotional connection I have with all of
them, even when it feels more like a “love-hate” relationship.
Whether my relationships
with my children are good or strained, I know that I always have something I
can pull out of my back pocket. And I’m not talking about my cell phone. I’m
talking about a card—actually two cards.
Like most moms I
enjoy getting Mothers’ Day cards from my children—when they remember to send
them. And yet there are two cards that I carry in my back pocket at all times
and do not have to rely on anyone remembering to send them to me.
I’m talking about
the proverbial Love Card and Guidance Card. Mothers (and fathers) are born with
these cards in their back pockets. They are always there when needed.
Of course, it
might seem to my children like I play the Guidance Card more than the Love
Card. That’s probably because, on balance, they often need more guidance than
love. By the way, guidance often looks like “discipline.” Some might even use
the word “punishment,” although that word makes me cringe.
I am convinced,
however, that most parents play the Guidance Card with the Love Card. Together. At the same time. A good parent never
tells her children what to do—she never commands
them—without also assuring them that she loves them.
This reminds me of the “Love Commandment” that we find in
John’s Gospel. Jesus commands his “children” to love one another. This was his
version of a Love Card, and if he had had proverbial pockets in his robes and
tunics, he would have pulled out the Love Card from his back pocket on many
occasions.
Of course, Jesus must have had two pockets in his garb
because he was never short on offering guidance either. If I read him
correctly, Jesus played two cards in his ministry: A Love Card and a Guidance
Card, and he always played them at the same time.
Therefore, I believe what Jesus and other biblical writers
are telling us is that everything we do must be accompanied by love. Even our
efforts at guidance (which often looks like discipline), must be accompanied by
love.
If we attempt to guide, discipline, or even (God forbid)
punish without love, then, as the
Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:1, we just sound like a noisy gong or a
clanging cymbal. Guidance without love is harsh, and it is unlikely that a
child, or anyone else, will respond very well if all they get from their
parents or role models is “do this” and “don’t do that.”
On the other hand, expressions of love without some guidance are not beneficial for one’s offspring
either. Showing love, but never offering guidance, advice, direction, or even
discipline is not really very loving. Expressing love without ever informing a
child what they should or should not do is, best case scenario, “spoiling,” and
worst case scenario, negligence.
Like an American
Express Card, we should never leave home without a Love Card and a Guidance
Card. To paraphrase another famous commercial, “What’s in your back pocket?”
Whether you are a mom or not, you have been dealt two
cards—a Love Card and a Guidance Card. Use both of them, and use both of them together. That’s what Mothers’ Day is
all about.
FROM THE ORLANDO SENTINEL
