Sketch of Heart of Compassion Community in Windsor, Ontario, Canada |
Karen Kerrigan ARCWP, Homilist |
Do I Want to Get
Well? Homily Starter by Rev. Karen Kerrigan, Deacon ARCWP Heart of Compassion
International Faith Community, Windsor, Ontario, Canada (09 July 17)
Over the years, I have belonged to the 12- Step Program Over-Eaters
Anonymous. You may know that the famous
book “Alcoholics Anonymous” is often
referred to as The Big Book. Many
persons who belong to 12-Step programs will refer to their book of Sacred
Scriptures as The Bigger Book. In these communities, our first Gospel
Reading about the Pool of Bethseda (John 5:1-17) is often referenced because of
the key question that Jesus asks the man who has waited by the pool for 38
years, “Do you want to get well?” Except
in the 12 steps we often add, “Do you want to get well …. really?”
This is a question that I ask myself as I remember a recent rejection by
a priest that I have known for more than 30 years. He was unable to accept my decision to become
an ordained deacon. He informed me that
he doesn’t want to see me again until we get to heaven. My heart was broken.
I thought telling my priest friend about my ordination was the right
thing to do! My journey with The Women’s
March Community has taught me to have" conversations that matter" with
people with whom you have disagreements.
I thought I was on the right track.
I prayed over my intention to share my news of my upcoming ordination
with this priest. I asked for guidance, for
God’s providence and protection, but it appears to me that my choice backfired. Now, I am left with a choice to proceed
through a process of healing.
Do I really want to get well? My healing process is modeled on the steps
that are outlined in "Shattered Soul? Five Pathways to Healing the Spirit
After Abuse and Trauma" by Sue Lauber-Fleming and Patrick Fleming both psychotherapists
who accompany persons who have suffered clergy abuse. The first step is asking for courage to face
rejection and not trying to re-imagine it as anything other than it is. This
courage phase of the process takes time.
Next, it’s time to let myself be angry!
I wanted to be treated with joy and love as I tried to present my
ordination invitation to my priest friend.
Instead, I was warned if I gave him that invitation, it was
documentation and he would have to report it to our diocese.
Now I need to show God and a trusted friend how angry I am that a beloved
priest confidant threatened to harm my relationships with other institutional Church
connections. This anger phase will take time. I am tempted to give him excuses
and rationalizations, as women have often done in the face of discrimination
that comes from their inner circle. Do I really want to get well?
Then I need to enter the grief phase?
I need to grieve the fact that not only did my priest friend choose to refuse
my invitation with love and joy, but that our relationship is on thin ice. I
have to feel the sorrow that my hoped for and dreamed of relationship will
likely not happen.
Finally, along with the love and patience of persons who can journey
with me and with the help of God, I need to forgive my priest friend and to allow
this hurtful and disappointing experience to transform my heart and my
life.
Yes I really want to get well. I will sit by the Bethseda Pool and trust
that Jesus will heal me. Will you join me there?
Sharing in Partners:
We realize that not everyone may have a struggle with abuses from clergy
or others in the institutional Church, while others here today have serious
struggles and are in need of a place where they can share their story. If you
have a story, please take this time to share some of it with a partner.
Given our time constraints, we know that what you share now is only the
beginning of our healing journey together.
You may want to share more later, perhaps with someone in our faith
community, our pastoral circle or with a trusted friend or confident, which
might include a spiritual director or therapist. We will be having a retreat
day in the Fall to explore our healing journeys and to bring all into the
healing graces of Holy Presence. Edited
by Rev. Dr. Barbara Billey, Priest ARCWP
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