What
couples had to say this week
If experience is central to this
synod of bishops and the experience of people is a starting place for
theological reflection, what are married couples who get the floor at the synod
saying? It's a mix, but below are some of the salient points they
made.
Ron and Mavis Pirola of Australia shared a story
of friends who have a gay son who wanted to bring his
partner home for Christmas. The couple's love for their son took paramount
importance over Church teaching saying, "he is our son." Using this example,
the Pirolas explained how the Church might benefit.
"In our experience,
families, the domestic churches, are often the natural models of the open doors
for churches of which "Evangelii Gaudium" speaks" While acknowledging families
could benefit from better teaching and programs, the stressed that "more than
anything, they [those who are seen as outside orthodoxy] need to be accompanied
on their journey, welcomed, have their stories listened to, and above all,
affirmed."
Even more pointed, they said that the clergy could become
better prepared in presenting Church teachings by "learning from the domestic
church." The Pirolas believe that this demands a new mindset for lay people.
"They must no longer be viewed as collaborators of the clergy, but truly
recognized as co-responsible for the Church's being and action."
George and Cynthia Campos of the
Philippines told the story of failure in reaching out to
Catholics living in "irregular situations." Reflecting on why their ministry
failed, they suggested that "an enlightened pastoral charity inaugurating
innovative forms of 'accompaniment' of conjugal spirituality formation and of
inclusionary participation in church life leading to full communion needs
promotion and enactment by our ordained ministers."
Jeffrey and
Alice Heinzen of the USA framed the crisis in the Church as the result of "the age of the
diminished family structure." Upholding a more orthodox framework for analyzing
the problems facing families, they asked how Catholics can, "effectively share
what we know to be true in practical, simple and convincing ways so that all men
and women are challenged and supported to live life-long marriages and build
homes that reflect the domestic Church?"
Stephen and Sandra Conway of South Africa
shared their experience and work in a program for couples whose marriages are in
crisis as a way of proposing greater openness by the Church. Citing the story of
a couple who had joined the RCIA program but who could not get a first marriage
annulled, the Conways called for more openness on the part of the Church. They
said, "If God is the ultimate forgiver and full of compassion then these couples
should be forgiven for previous mistakes, how ever, they believe that they are
constantly reminded and guilty of these past relationships or mistakes by not
being able to partake in communion."
Arturo and Hermelinda
Zamberline of Brazil were inspired by the leadership of Fr. Henri Caffarel who
taught that couples should not deliberately close themselves off from having
children. They asked the synod leaders to quickly make clear the teaching of
Humanae Vitae so Catholics could more readily comply.
Promoting the
natural family planning method they also admitted that "many Catholic couples,
even those seriously seeking to live their marriage, do not feel obligated to
use only natural methods."
They go on to say that although natural
methods for planning the family are good, they may not be practical for many.
Citing the pace of life for many young Catholics and the learning curve for
success using natural family planning, "the majority of Catholic couples" are
not using natural methods.
Olivier and Xristilla Roussy of France
told the story of wanting a big family, learning the methods of natural family
planning, deciding to try birth control pills, and, even though it meant an
unplanned pregnancy, their returned to natural family planning as the best path
toward holiness.
They also stated that mercy was central, not just to
others, but for the life of the Church. "We are called to love people and walk
with them rather than judge their actions; to be witnesses to mercy not ignoring
the realities they face. Only this attitude of the heart can prevent us from
becoming small communities; narrow, controlled and ultimately
dying."
Even the most orthodox couples, expressed the need for better
pastoral care this week. Some of them reflected what Fr. Thomas Rosica heard synod
leaders say, "The Eucharist is a sacrament that supersedes all sacraments.
Jesus is present in the Eucharist and we must allow Jesus to do his work in the
Eucharist. The Eucharist is left for us sinners and we should not portray a
church mentality which places limits on God's love."
Archbishop Durocher
on Thursday sums up the best how the diverse hopes expressed by the synod
couples can come together when he said the Church must strive for "a marriage of
justice and mercy."
To read the couples testimonies go to the Vatican Press office
website
Related stories Sex, Marriage and the Catholic
Church by Tina Beattie
Archbishop Hart on Synod: We
need a language of love
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